Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

It’s Not About the Big Gestures: A Valentine’s Day Guide

Valentine’s Day represents a gigantic source of societal pressure. From what to get your significant other, to where you’d like to go, what you’d like to do, and so on and so forth, Valentine’s Day can put a lot of stress into a relationship.

But what if we told you it didn’t have to?

The thing about Valentine’s Day—according to—is that, though having a day of the year set aside for the celebration of the people you love is great, there are a large number of conflicting expectations that hang over February 14th. And, in addition to the cloud of societal and cultural pressures that Valentine’s Day represents, it always seems that no two people have the same expectations as to how they’re supposed to express their love.

Clashing expectations lead to a lot of tension in a relationship. But according to our own Dr. Pam Kennel, a healthy relationship shouldn’t have to rely on one day of expectations, regardless of how they’re met. Instead, a relationship should be about showing love every day.

Relationships are at their healthiest when each member of the relationship shows a constant level of consideration for the other. This doesn’t mean taking your significant other on a series of ever more elaborate and romantic dates—for one, that can put a serioaus amount of strain on your finances—but rather, it’s about truly considering how your actions can affect the person you love. If they tell you something they don’t like, for example, pay attention and make an effort to fix the problem. Tell them that something they’ve done for you is appreciated; even if you feel appreciative, it might be hard for your significant other to see unless that feeling is expressed verbally.

The key to every successful relationship is communication. That doesn’t just mean expressing yourself; instead, it means making sure that your significant other knows they’re being heard. Likewise, it’s rare to find a couple where one single gesture on one day out of the year covers every facet of the relationship.

Every relationship is made out of people, and people can’t be summed up in one big gesture. Instead, find a way to show your significant other how you love them every day, from emptying the dishwasher, to listening to their concerns, to telling them how much they mean to you.

If you have any questions about relationship counseling, please don’t hesitate—contact South Denver Psychotherapy today. Our staff can help you express the love you feel for your significant other every day of the year.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Review of book “The Seven Levels of Intimacy” by Mathew Kelly

I recommend this book for those trying to get greater satisfaction out of their relationships, be they friends, family, or your partner in life. Though this book is aimed at primary relationships, I find it helpful in all relationships.

We all have other people in our lives and times without a primary relationship. The knowledge imparted in this book can help give direction and motivation to maintaining those other relationships even when your preoccupied. The book helps give direction to deepening casual friendships and the reality of the limits of others without giving them up.

Of course, this book is very helpful and inspiring to that illusive goal of deep intimacy and yet it is more. It can motivate one to learn about our own needs, to ask for what we need and become curious of our loved ones needs.

The book is organized as ever deepening levels of intimacy with the 7th level something to strive for even in small snippets of reality. I have observed couples that would meet a very high levels of intimacy in some areas while others subjects are taboo or so conflictual, they stay on the surface. That being said, all levels described have their value. We each provide for each other in various capacities. Even within a relationship, the intimacy level can vary from day to day.

Read this book, have it be your guiding light and not a source of comparison to what one “should” be doing and take it slow. Real intimacy can take a lifetime. Pam